There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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