There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
