sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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