he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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