It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
My cat gives me a boner
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
