So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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