My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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