you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
