Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
