Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
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