I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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