I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
