I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
