Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
