it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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