11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
