dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
