long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
