I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize