proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
