I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I just found a bag of teeth...
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
You don't make any sense
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