thus making me awesome and them whores
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
