FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
