Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
