so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
