I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
he had hair everywhere except his balls
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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