he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
