with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
