Quick, to the slutcave!
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
