I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
