they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
