We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
