one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
im holly from the hills drunk
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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