You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
