He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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