Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
