You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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