Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
