I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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