I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
