I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
