gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
