apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
