Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
We got so high we made milksteak
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
