i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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