upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
