I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize