the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
