East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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