Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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