obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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