____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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