We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
