Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
