Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Randomize
