saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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