how can u be prego again
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
