Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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