Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
