Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
