so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
